You're so gay...

Ok, so I just got back from the Midwest Bisexual Lesbian Gay Transgender Alliance College Conference(MBLGTACC) in Bloomington, Indiana and I have to say I left this afternoon from Indiana with so much on my mind when it comes to LGBT issues and how I feel about the community as a whole. To many this weekend was just an excuse to hook up with random strangers then never see them again, but to me it was more than just that(Though the idea of hooking up had occurred to me on more than one occasion during the course of the weekend, lol). But ok back to my point, I learned a lot this weekend about myself, things that I knew and things I didn't from this trip. Am I really a lesbian? What makes you gay? Does being a homosexual or queer mean that we all have to have the same ideologies, thoughts and beliefs? Do all LGBT members in the community or especially ones that are famous or hold a high status in society have to fight for the gay agenda? If you don't does that mean that you don't care about the gay community? These were all the things running through my mind after I left the conference earlier today.

Well, until I am reincarnated into a heterosexual woman's body who actually is heterosexual and not just suppressing her feelings for women, it's safe to say that I have and will always like girls. I tried to like boys when I was in junior high and even my freshman year of high school but it just didn't work. I was always a tomboy and hung out with nothing but guys. My best friends were guys and they made me feel comfortable as appose to girls at the time who always made me feel self-conscious and not girly enough. So because I wasn't fitting in with girls my age at the time I tried to tell myself that I liked my guy friends which of course wasn't the case since I was having crushes on girls in my school classes every year from the age of 5 yrs old.

When I first came out at age 15, I just wanted to surround myself with gay people because I thought that they would understand me and make me feel comfortable and accepted. But as I grow older I realize that just because I hang with gay people doesn't automatically mean that I will just be accepted for who I am more than I would with heterosexual people. I'm starting to realize the opposite actually. I know so many gay people especially gays in the Midwest who make me feel so uncomfortable and unaccepted for who I am and I know so many straight people who accept for who I am and love me more for it.

So lets relate all this back to the title of this blog, "You're so gay". What does this really mean? To me being gay isn't all I am. Actually it's number 10 on my list of things that make up who I am. I am black, I'm a woman, I'm mixed, I'm from NYC, My younger brother who is autistic is my life, I believe in God and I am very spiritual person and I could go on but I think you can get the point that being a lesbian isn't all that consumes my everyday life. I feel like I don't relate to the gay community especially in the Midwest, because I feel that a lot people in the LGBT community feel that being queer is the be all and end all and its all that consumes them on a day to day basis but its just not like that for me. So does this mean that I don't care about the gay community and its issues? No. It just means that, that's not all I care about. I care about Women's issues, Latino issues, Black issues and many others and I don't believe that just because a person identifies as LGBT that they have to constantly and always be doing things in the way of helping the community. I don't think anyone is obligated to have to represent the community they are a part of, whether it's racial, ethnic or sexual orientation. That's not to say that people should do nothing but sometimes you just have to live your life first and worry about all the other bullshit second.

For me I want to do what makes me happy and some of it is fighting for LGBT issues and making LGBT images in the media more positive and realistic but another part is fighting for all the other issues that I mentioned above and taking care of my brother and then spending whatever time I have left over (If I have any, lol), just living my life to the fullest. Because we only live once and tomorrow is promised to no one.