Last time I responded a response to lesbian rapper Feloni's blog, I posted it on here because I thought it was interesting stuff so here we go again, my response to Feloni's blog "IS THERE A "FEMME" SHORTAGE: PT 1. FEMME-TO-STUD CONVERTS... & PART 2: "IS THERE A 'FEMME' SHORTAGE? ARE 'FEMMES' GOING BACK TO MEN IS THAT A MYTH?", which you can read at:
http://theofficialfeloni.blogspot.com/
or
http://blogs.myspace.com/feloni
My Response to Part 1
After reading every comment on here, I feel like my views on this matter were way more limited before than what I thought. But I definately feel that there us a femme shortage, being from NYC where there are tons of lesbians you can still tell at pride and other big lgbt events that it is more AGs/Studs/Doms/Butches or whatever term you want to use to describe an agressive female. I cant say that this is directly linked to femme to stud converts or femme to ftm, but there is definately a shortage. I can say however that after reading peoples comments and through my own personal experiences and through things I have spoken with friends about, I do think AGs or Studs not treating their femmes right or as another person refered to as "Baby Butches/Studs" not knowing what being a Stud is all about can make matters worse and led to some women wanting to move from femme to stud. But just like I don't think no one decides to be gay over night I don't think femmes who turn studs decide this over night either, I think part of them has always wanted to be a stud or at least has always been curious about being a stud. If you are completely content with who you are it doesn't matter what has happened to you in life (terrible break-ups or just no luck with women in general), you would never want to change yourself, so I feel using that as an excuse is really a cop-out.
I am finding a hard time right now meeting people because most of the femmes my age (22) still have that high school mentality and I'm ready for a woman because I have accomplished to much in my life to move backwards in relationships. Also many of the so called Ags are not helping matters either, by using the femmes that are actually about something in life to better themselves then dumping them after they have been "upgraded" so to speak from the femme taking care of them, buying them clothes and generally helping them better their life. This is so lame to me because it is the exact same thing a lot of men do to good women and I would think that if anyone could understand how messed up that is to do to someone another girl would but instead they do the exact same thing as males or even worse. I feel that part of this is some studs feel like they have to overcompensate since they arent truly males and feel that to show that they can be just as masculine as men they adopt all of mens bad qualities instead of the good. I dont consider myself a femmely looking stud but I know I am a woman and I'm proud to be one so I don't feel any need to act overly mannish, I would consider myself inbetween on the femine to masculine spectra but it doesn't matter people should just be themselves plain and simple. Whether you are a femme who likes femmes, stud who likes studs or femme who likes studs, we are all woman at the end of the day and people should just do what makes them happy during this brief time we have on this earth. I don't know Feloni your blogs always open more questions for my about the LGBT community as a whole, but it's always interesting. Waiting to see what part 2 has in store...
My Response to Part 2
There are so many reasons why women go to men or back to men outside of "femme or stud messing up by being verbally abusive, physically abusive, cheating or being a non-contributor to the househould". Personally I feel that societal pressures, family pressures and issues with religion and faith are some of the biggest factors concerning why women bi or lesbian (femme/stud) or whatever go back to men. Especially if you came out at a younger age because when you were young. I came out at 15 and things seemed so much easier to me then. I always knew I liked girls and I finally got to act on my feelings though like everything in life it came with a price (gay bashing, family judgement, peer judgement, trying to hold on to your religion even when your feelings contradict what you have been taught or just plain getting hurt in female relationships), but either way it felt great to finally be me.
Now that I'm older though, not that much older, I feel like being openly lesbian is more harder than ever. How can I relate when people I was in college with get married and start settling down where in most of America gays can't legal get married? Not that I'm a huge gay marriage activist, but its hard relating when even if I wanted to experience that I can't in the state I reside in. I'm working a typical 40 hour a week job, though I dont have that typical 9-5 schedule, but I'm surrounded by women either married, have kids and have the typical American lifestyle and my life isn't and never will be that way. I'm start of thinking of the ramifications of being an out lesbian more than I ever did when I was young. When I was young it all seemed worth it now, I'm not so sure. Being true to yourself in what your sexuality is, is one of the best feelings in the world but when it affects ever other aspect of your life, you start to wonder if it's worth it especially when relationships with women aren't working out. I know so many girls who still to this day love women but it was just to hard so they went back to men, mostly because of their families or their religious beliefs (though it seems to me that in the gay community we don't discuss religion enough, most LGBT people I have meet are very spiritual). And in regards to family, is being in love with a woman worth losing your whole or at least most of your family over?
Now I don't want to say that it is easy for late in life lesbians to come out, but it just seems to me that people in general when they get older have less to lose in regards to maybe family members have moved of some passed away and when you get older family tends (though not always) to butt out of you life. With young people it seems like family always wants to tell you what to do and how you should live your life. So sometimes even though you won't be completely happy, you take the easy way out which in this case would be being with a man. Not to say men are trully an easy way out but most men seem to be primarily focused on one thing (we all know what that is, and don't get me wrong girls are too, we just hid it better, lol), and so even if it sucks women feel like at least we know what to expect from men most of the time. I mean I think it's crazy that when I look back on my past relationships I really can't say I truly understood the girl I was with, I tried but always seemed to fail even when I thought I had it down pat. Girls are such complex creatures and to me it's hard sometimes to be a woman and still feel liek I don't relate to any of the women I meet. I don't know at the end of the day whatever is causing women to return to men I definately see it, in that most of my ex's are with men now, a couple are pregnant at this very moment (yeah, kinda sucks). But I do know this whether its a femme/femme, stud/femme or even stud/stud relationship, when a woman is truly happy with her partner or dating women, all the obstacles I mentioned won't stop them from living their lives, but when that happiness fades, thats when women no matter what the label look for other alternatives...
