Stronger by Danny K

I STAND HERE STRONG,
BUT THERE IS A PART OF ME YOU WILL NEVER KNOW,
THE PART THAT CAN’T EVER LET THIS PAIN GO,
YOU SEE TO MOVE ON DOESN'T MEAN YOU FORGET,
THOUGH YOU TRY TO,
AND TO REMEMBER THIS HURT DOESN'T MAKE YOU WEAK,
BECAUSE I'M SURELY NOT... BUT NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY,
I DO MY BEST TO GET BY BUT THE MEMORIES STILL HAUNT ME,
WHEN YOU STRIP SOMEONE OF THEIR INNOCENCE FOR YOUR SEXUAL GRATIFICATION YOU TAKE AWAY A PIECE OF THEIR HUMANITY, THEIR DIGNITY, AND WHEN IT’S ALL OVER IT’S NEVER REALLY OVER FOR THEM BECAUSE YOUR ACTIONS HAS AN EVERLASTING EFFECT ON THEIR LIFE,
BUT THOUGH IT WILL ALWAYS REMAIN A PART OF YOU,
IT DOESN'T HAVE TO DEFINE YOU,
SO AS I STAND HERE TODAY I SAY, YES I AM A SEXUAL ASSAULT SURVIVOR,
A SURVIVOR NOT A VICTIM,
AND YOU DIDN'T BREAK ME,
YOU JUST MADE ME A STRONGER PERSON DESPITE WHAT YOU TOOK FROM ME.

Clear my mind... by Danny K

I wish I could just clear my mind of all the madness,
When anger turns into sadness and you are just trying to find the strength to move on,
To be strong... doesn't seem so easy anymore,
And to be sure that you have not suffered in vain,
You look back to this pain,
Because if you don't care who else will?
But still... it's not the same,
Just like a rose by any other name isn't as sweet,
This pain going unnoticed feels just as bad as defeat.

As I Self-Destruct by Danny K

Mind wandering,
Soul searching,
All of my deepest emotions lurching forward,
Threatening to push me to the brink...
I gather all of my composure and try to digest how everything got so wrong,
It's like listening to a song playing backwards and trying to decipher its true meaning yet getting lost since the words no longer make sense,
Tell me is it all worth it?
The pain,
The heartache,
The despair,
The suffering,
The misery,
The regret,
It eats away at me at times and I wonder if it will ever completely go away,
Feeling gray even though the light of day is shining at its brightest,
I know that there is something more I just...can't really see it,
I struggle to move forward without bringing with me the pain of the past,
This is one moment that I wish would never last,
And yet here it still is...this immense feeling of hopelessness,
That nothing will ever change,
I will always be stuck in a life full of pain,
The more I contemplate the quicker my emotions start to shift,
To rage, anger and frustration as I feel my sanity starting to lift,
And I can't even see straight but I'm driven by the fury,
I find myself searching for someone, anyone that I can actually trust,
I am like the end of a fuse that's about to combust,
Watch me as I Self-Destruct

These strange feelings...

"Relationships are like investing in stocks. If you never take a risk, You will never profit and eventually win big. Yet, if you decide to invest just be prepared that there is a chance that you could lose everything..."-ME


In the wake of Valentine's day, I feel like I would take a moment to write this post to discuss the L-Word. NO, not the lesbian show on showtime. But that thing that movies are often about. The feeling that you try to resist but can't. See, I don't mind being single. I actually tend to be less stressed out than when I am in a relationship. I am what you might call the fixer upper. I see a girl who is hurt, in need of assistance and I always want to help them, kind of like a captain save a hoe...yet, I would never want to truly refer to the girls I have been with as hoes, even if a few might have been, lol. I really do have a soft spot for women in need, but you can't save everyone especially, if they don't want to save themselves. So, what are these strange feelings?? I don't know, maybe desire, longing for companionship, or the need for love. All I know is, I will love again, just not now. I'm focused on me. I need to get my career plans in order and figure out what I want in a relationship. You can't rush these things.

On, other notes:

I am feeling an out pouring of sadness and grief for the loss of Whitney Houston. Another great musical legend is gone from this earth. I hope she is in a better place now and I give her daughter and all of her family my condolences. I really had to shed some tears for this loss. Death is a crazy and unpredictable thing, that's why we have to live for today, plan for tomorrow and hope for the future...R.I.P. Whitney Houston, you were truly a musical icon and any mistakes you made in this life could never take that away from you!!

"Sometimes you laugh, Sometimes you cry, Life never tells us the whens or whys...For every win, someone must fail, but there comes a point when we will exhale, shoop shoop (R.I.P Whitney Houston)"

Class war!! by Danny K

"Bout time we changed a few things, We a slave to the bank and we only wanna buy new shoes, The way that we think, We can do anything if we really wanna put our minds to it, American dream, Is a pyramid scheme, And feels out of reach when its hard and the times are tough but change starts with us, yup yup, We all want freedom, yeah to be who we be, I don't wanna be afraid when I speak, To say what I'm feeling, Yeah together we strong but divided never been so weak, It's time we get even, Yeah Yeah, But really what I mean is, Is change I can feel it"--Asher Roth


"The Master of the Masses, One has power,The other one lacks it,Guns are power,Controlled by assets, Owned by financial forecasters,Who are the Masters? They are the Gangsters, They are the bankers, The ones who tax us, The Masses, They are us, The sheep, the people, Divided in classes, I go off like a Shite bomb, And All ya'll see I'm on my...War paint on my face shit, My nine mm on my waist shit, I'm a problem, Shoot up your place shit, Let a few go, Then I get low, Blazing Haze again, The Masters, The Wall Street War Chiefs, The Elitists Groups, The Masses, They pray to Jesus, Saying he will see us through, The Masters are the aristocratic, The Masses ask if the Most High, Is On his way here, I'm trying to stay clear, My mind is my modern day Spear"--Nas



Class War by Danny K

Its a revolution about to start,
Masses rising up from just a spark,
Without work, without food to eat, doing what they can with no security...net
Some are College graduates that were ready to start a career,
Others are teachers or lawyers with years of experience who now live in fear,
Neither knowing if or when they will find employment,
Just trying to live life with some little enjoyment,
And some are people who've worked hard their entire lives, that retire to live off social security and never have enough to survive,
You ask me what is the 99%?
While the few elites possess more than they can consume,
Unwilling to fathom an inch of compassion to give to those who have none,
Controlling multi billion dollar corporations yet there is massive amounts of debt and poverty that plague a nation,
You ask me what is the 1%?
Class wars, across shores, reshapes nations, and empowers people to strive for more,
Arab Springs and U.S. Falls,
Yet will either ever see true equality?
See I don't know answer but I'm sure that it's there,
If anyone is ever curious and willing to care,
Class wars, 99% vs. 1% of the populous, fighting for an equal share,
What side are you going to be on?

Ghetto Youth by Danny K

This is for the ghetto youth,
But don't make me regret it,
This is for those whose destiny seems chosed but no one ever really said it,
I'm here ready to do battle and fight against injustice,
Because I was once that ghetto youth, challenging the world that said no one should ever trust us,
Or even have faith,
That ghetto youth have no future and it's written all over their face,
Or that their are just poor and thugs,
And deserve hopelessness and disdain instead of compassion or hugs,
It's no wonder why so many ghetto youth lose the strength to fight and crumble,
Because how can this world seem fair when most of their lives were full of pain and struggle,
But I can hear the cries and see the tears from the ghetto youths eyes everytime I wake,
So massive, immense and deep that it's enough to start a quake,
Yet, I'm hoping that it fuels a revolution,
Because it's in human nature to strive to survive so never giving up is the only solution,
Showing those that doubted you that your worth more than just their pity,
Never again will you sit back and wonder "Why me?",
It's time to stand up and show the world that you are ready,
So rise to the challenge and walk without fear,
Knowing that I am standing behind you and will always be there,
Because this one is for the Ghetto Youth

My people, Blacks unite! by Danny K

Close my eyes and imagine,
A world where hate runs thin,
Where my people stand together,
Instead of fighting within',
Uniting as one race with shared ancestry,
Not forgetting the past and our own history,
Being proud of who we are and what we've become,
Yet remembering that there is still more to be done,
Malcolm X and Martin Luther King can't be the only ones,
That gave their lives to strive for equality,
Something Obama's presidency doesn't guarantee,
So as I say this how many will sit and cower in fear,
Afraid of rising up and grabbing hold of a dream,
As I remain on fire never losing steam,
Thinking of the masses of people taken from their homeland and packed into ships,
Only to die before realizing the destination of their trip,
Or the many people who stayed alive only to suffer generations of enslavement,
Then Jim Crow with police with water hoses pushing them onto the pavement,
Leading up to mass incarceration due to high racial discrimination,
With many blacks trapped in jail cells and their own minds,
And now in 2010 we walk as if everything is fine,
But in my mind that history remains clear,
It's hard to stay ignorant when the truth is right there,
Staring you in the face day to day,
And I don't know if it will ever be okay,
However, I won't give up,
I'm going to continue this fight,
Until my people, the Blacks of this nation unite!

My Escape by Danny K

Life, dreams, hopes, no way to cope,
Failures not an option I can ever take,
Ready to break, my escape, unknown,
22 so I should feel grown but at times I'm a child,
My mind's running wild,
I try not to let shit get to me, or lose sight of history, Let me see...
What more can I say that hasn't already been said,
How can I ever truly describe the thoughts that are going through my head,
Mourning the dead but still trying to understand it all,
Waiting for the answers but I think I'll never get the call,
I want to change the world just not sure if the worlds ready,
Feeling faint, tired, weak, trying to keep steady,
Because I can't fold under pressure,
And yet,
Wish I could say that I lived my life with no regrets,
So what is my escape through it all?
What keeps me striving to succeed when everyone else shouts "Fall!",
The answer was unclear at times but now there's no doubt,
Writing is my escape, My only way out,
My fate at times seems like a curse,
Bad relationships and phony friends only made things worse,
But as soon I put my thoughts into words, somehow all the pain ends,
And my problems seem too absurd...to ever worry about,
However when I stop writing, when the words don't come out,
I'm back to my life thirsty, stuck in a drought,
Trying to make a way, with all that I was given,
It's funny with my background it would have seemed more likely that I'd end up in prison,
Than to be here and now, writing poems to inspire,
The masses, my people, yet some would call me a liar,
Or try to stop my shine,
Don't they know once I get a hold of something it will always be mine,
Maybe in another time, things will be fine,
And I wouldn't be criticized or judged just for speaking my mind,
Though struggle builds character, which is what I'm after,
Anything less would surely be a disaster,
So as I strive to master this thing called life,
Know that my escape could be yours too if you're willing to pay the ultimate price...

I buried myself alive on the inside...

I never actually am alone, I just always feel alone...(Drake)


Life gives us many sorrows, regrets, empty promises, torments, obstacles, heartbreaks, losses, lies, uncertainties and yet we all seem to carry on each day, to me that is one of life's little miracles that we all need to appreciate more, there is some truth in only the strong survive, the weak minded fall easily under pressure, just some food for thought...

Never knowing if this moment will be are last, we must live everyday to the fullest with no regrets. I have had a lot of regrets in my life but I have learned that what has happened in my life has happened for a reason and certain people are out of my life for a good purpose, you shouldnt have to ask for love if people care they will show it. I have a few people in my life who I love and many who claim (and have claimed) to love me but really don't, and in the end all I have is those few and I wouldn't want it any other way...because I know I'm here to serve a purpose and all the ones that tried to keep me down or hurt me aren't even up to my level yet so keep climbing but you will never catch up because I'm a born fighter, I'm a King so how could I be anything else???

I have been having a wierd past few weeks so far. I finished up the Battle Royale manga series, long overdue, since I had the last few issues for months now but something that good you just want to prolong as long as possible. Also, I just finished up the manga, Lone Wolf and Cub another great series that I read this summer and I have to say it is really up there in caliber over many traditional novels I have read. If you haven't read either of these titles or just don't read manga you need to start, these two series are some of the most enlightening things you can ever read about human morality and values. To me these works have provided a certain social understanding of human values, beliefs, morals and and causes and reasons for human actions that no traditional novel has ever been able to relate. And finally, Old Boy which I am still currently reading but will be finishing up this week, along with these other mangas I mentioned deals with human resentment. I just feel that with all the emotions about life that I have been feeling lately, Mangas are the only outlet I have that I feel truly understands me.

Going for my masters...I just started a MA program in Urban Affairs. Maybe I'll have a future in policy making, who knows. I've just been wondering if law is the best fit for me anymore. There is so many things that I want to change about our legal system and I'm wondering if me just being the best lawyer I could be is enough to balance out all the bullshit going on. Sometimes I really feel like I'm going against my total moral ethics at times. I just want to change the world for the better and really make a difference that counts. Is that to much to ask for or want to achieve? Should I just continue to bury myself alive on the inside??? I don't know, but I love that song (The Used- Buried Myself Alive) and I'm going to go listen to it now and see if I get inspired...

Another Feloni response..

Last time I responded a response to lesbian rapper Feloni's blog, I posted it on here because I thought it was interesting stuff so here we go again, my response to Feloni's blog "IS THERE A "FEMME" SHORTAGE: PT 1. FEMME-TO-STUD CONVERTS... & PART 2: "IS THERE A 'FEMME' SHORTAGE? ARE 'FEMMES' GOING BACK TO MEN IS THAT A MYTH?", which you can read at:

http://theofficialfeloni.blogspot.com/

or

http://blogs.myspace.com/feloni



My Response to Part 1

After reading every comment on here, I feel like my views on this matter were way more limited before than what I thought. But I definately feel that there us a femme shortage, being from NYC where there are tons of lesbians you can still tell at pride and other big lgbt events that it is more AGs/Studs/Doms/Butches or whatever term you want to use to describe an agressive female. I cant say that this is directly linked to femme to stud converts or femme to ftm, but there is definately a shortage. I can say however that after reading peoples comments and through my own personal experiences and through things I have spoken with friends about, I do think AGs or Studs not treating their femmes right or as another person refered to as "Baby Butches/Studs" not knowing what being a Stud is all about can make matters worse and led to some women wanting to move from femme to stud. But just like I don't think no one decides to be gay over night I don't think femmes who turn studs decide this over night either, I think part of them has always wanted to be a stud or at least has always been curious about being a stud. If you are completely content with who you are it doesn't matter what has happened to you in life (terrible break-ups or just no luck with women in general), you would never want to change yourself, so I feel using that as an excuse is really a cop-out.

I am finding a hard time right now meeting people because most of the femmes my age (22) still have that high school mentality and I'm ready for a woman because I have accomplished to much in my life to move backwards in relationships. Also many of the so called Ags are not helping matters either, by using the femmes that are actually about something in life to better themselves then dumping them after they have been "upgraded" so to speak from the femme taking care of them, buying them clothes and generally helping them better their life. This is so lame to me because it is the exact same thing a lot of men do to good women and I would think that if anyone could understand how messed up that is to do to someone another girl would but instead they do the exact same thing as males or even worse. I feel that part of this is some studs feel like they have to overcompensate since they arent truly males and feel that to show that they can be just as masculine as men they adopt all of mens bad qualities instead of the good. I dont consider myself a femmely looking stud but I know I am a woman and I'm proud to be one so I don't feel any need to act overly mannish, I would consider myself inbetween on the femine to masculine spectra but it doesn't matter people should just be themselves plain and simple. Whether you are a femme who likes femmes, stud who likes studs or femme who likes studs, we are all woman at the end of the day and people should just do what makes them happy during this brief time we have on this earth. I don't know Feloni your blogs always open more questions for my about the LGBT community as a whole, but it's always interesting. Waiting to see what part 2 has in store...


My Response to Part 2

There are so many reasons why women go to men or back to men outside of "femme or stud messing up by being verbally abusive, physically abusive, cheating or being a non-contributor to the househould". Personally I feel that societal pressures, family pressures and issues with religion and faith are some of the biggest factors concerning why women bi or lesbian (femme/stud) or whatever go back to men. Especially if you came out at a younger age because when you were young. I came out at 15 and things seemed so much easier to me then. I always knew I liked girls and I finally got to act on my feelings though like everything in life it came with a price (gay bashing, family judgement, peer judgement, trying to hold on to your religion even when your feelings contradict what you have been taught or just plain getting hurt in female relationships), but either way it felt great to finally be me.

Now that I'm older though, not that much older, I feel like being openly lesbian is more harder than ever. How can I relate when people I was in college with get married and start settling down where in most of America gays can't legal get married? Not that I'm a huge gay marriage activist, but its hard relating when even if I wanted to experience that I can't in the state I reside in. I'm working a typical 40 hour a week job, though I dont have that typical 9-5 schedule, but I'm surrounded by women either married, have kids and have the typical American lifestyle and my life isn't and never will be that way. I'm start of thinking of the ramifications of being an out lesbian more than I ever did when I was young. When I was young it all seemed worth it now, I'm not so sure. Being true to yourself in what your sexuality is, is one of the best feelings in the world but when it affects ever other aspect of your life, you start to wonder if it's worth it especially when relationships with women aren't working out. I know so many girls who still to this day love women but it was just to hard so they went back to men, mostly because of their families or their religious beliefs (though it seems to me that in the gay community we don't discuss religion enough, most LGBT people I have meet are very spiritual). And in regards to family, is being in love with a woman worth losing your whole or at least most of your family over?

Now I don't want to say that it is easy for late in life lesbians to come out, but it just seems to me that people in general when they get older have less to lose in regards to maybe family members have moved of some passed away and when you get older family tends (though not always) to butt out of you life. With young people it seems like family always wants to tell you what to do and how you should live your life. So sometimes even though you won't be completely happy, you take the easy way out which in this case would be being with a man. Not to say men are trully an easy way out but most men seem to be primarily focused on one thing (we all know what that is, and don't get me wrong girls are too, we just hid it better, lol), and so even if it sucks women feel like at least we know what to expect from men most of the time. I mean I think it's crazy that when I look back on my past relationships I really can't say I truly understood the girl I was with, I tried but always seemed to fail even when I thought I had it down pat. Girls are such complex creatures and to me it's hard sometimes to be a woman and still feel liek I don't relate to any of the women I meet. I don't know at the end of the day whatever is causing women to return to men I definately see it, in that most of my ex's are with men now, a couple are pregnant at this very moment (yeah, kinda sucks). But I do know this whether its a femme/femme, stud/femme or even stud/stud relationship, when a woman is truly happy with her partner or dating women, all the obstacles I mentioned won't stop them from living their lives, but when that happiness fades, thats when women no matter what the label look for other alternatives...